How do I catch a fish?

[Bobby Bass]

I saw a post here saying that the new people just keep posting the same old questions and that the answers are out there you just have to look for them on past posts so I thought I would just ask a simple question. Since I am a newbie and have not seen this question.. So How do I catch a fish?

[Dan Thiem]

I'll try and help you out on your question.

If you're ice fishing, all you have to do is bring a can of Green Giant peas along with you. They have to be Green giant too. Then after you drill your hole skim out the ice and sprinkle the peas on the ice all the way around the hole. Then watch very closely. When a fish comes up to take a pee, grab it.

[Bobby Bass]

Actually I should target my question better. How do you catch a trout at the Duluth Boat Show???? I have seen kids with cheese and corn sneaking it on their hooks/fly...

[FOOT]

Bobby, years ago I saw a couple of kids buying cheese burgers at the MPLS convention center during the big Sports, Boat and Travel show. They would then take the cheese off and put it in their coat pocket and eat the hamburger.

Then when they went fishing in the trout pond they would stick their hand in their coat pocket and rub some cheese on their fingers. They would then rub their fingers on the fly. No cheese would show so the people running the pond couldn't tell. In one session 3 of them caught 7 trout.

Now back to the major question "How do you catch fish".

FOr ice fishing the pea thing works good but I find that if you use chicken noodle soup and drop the noodles down the hole it works better. Chicken rice soup or veggie beef for cloudy days and potato or clam chowder on sunny days. The chicken noodle works either cloudy or sunny but not when its snowing, then you have to pull out the big guns and go with a 5 alarm chili.

Now for open water fishing the soup thing doesn't work at all, of course. What I have found is you take the change out of your pocket, make sure you have at least 50 cents worth, throw it up in the air with your right hand and before the first piece of change hit the water EVERYONE in the boat must say "I hope and pray we catch some walleye (feel free to substitute your favor fish species) today.

This works wonders but your fishing buddies may be a little reluctant to say the words. It also needs to be done close enough so other boats here what you say.

If you happen to be bank fishing the only help I can give you to tell you what's worked for us in the past. FALL/SLIP IN. That's right fall into the water. It seems the first person who does this is the person who catches the biggest, most or first fish. Points are given for originallity and style. These points can be saved for an upcoming fishing trip not to exceed 4 weeks. Anything after 4 weeks the points are forfeited and you start at zero. We discussed this notion one night over poker and a beer. We came to the conclusion the better the fall the more the fish laugh and tell their friends to watch. When they all get to laughing its easy to have a hook slip into their mouth and you got em'.

Hope this helps. I could go on but the rest of what I have to tell you about making fish bite is very complicated and you would probably injure yourself if not taught properly. Also this is not something that should be practiced at home in your swimming poll or God forbid a bathtub.

Good Luck

[M.T. Bucket]

Didn't know Pat McManus went by the handle "FOOT" on FM. Funny!

[Bobby Bass]

Foot I have tried the noodle thing ice fishing but I guess I only get them Chinese carp to bite as all I hear is a sucking sound and then the noodles disappear down the hole before I can do anything.

[FOOT]

That's because you are using generic or store brand chicken noodle soup. As everyone knows you have to use Campbell's. Yes it costs a couple of cents more and I for one am not someone who throws money around but here you need to bite the bullit. In fact I bought a Farkman video graph for $29.95 rather then a more expensive Lowrance a couple of years ago because I just couldn't justify the price. The pencils they send along come in all the primary colors so you can pencil in the walleye in one color, carp in another, bait fish another and so on.

p.s. My local Piggly Wiggly is ordering a case of Campbell's chicken noodle soup and it should be here by first ice. I'm heading up to L.O.W.'s in early/mid December and can bring you a couple of cans if you have trouble finding the good stuff up there. There isn't a nosy CO in your area is there? Some of these guys think it's baiting and I've had to talk long and hard to get out of a couple of tickets. Usually it works to tell them we were heatin up the soup when I major bite came through and the soup was spilled. Anyway I've got a hollowed out space in my truck lid that I can fit in 3 cans and smuggle them up to you.

[V-12 Merlin]

Now, I KNOW Patrick F McManus goes by the handle FOOT!

[FOOT]

I might not be Pat but I've sure as heck read enough of his stories and books.

I'd probably be more of a Retch Sweeney, Pat's good friend.

Thanks for the compliments.

[Bobby Bass]

I will have to look into the smearing of cheese on hooks tactic. I am a little leery of fishing around those sporting show ponds. Several years ago I was at the Duluth affair with a bud of mine who had another bud of his working the concession stand who was selling Bud well my bud had already had a few to many Buds and was telling me about his special way of catching trout from the pond. He then put down his .75 and went behind the rope. His idea was to snag them... He tossed the little fly out which he had weighted down with three bottle tops from the Buds and proceed to rip the fly thru the pond. On his 2nd time thru he latched on to a trout which he then reared back setting the hook and yanking the fish out of the pond thru the air to land on the top of an elderly lady who had a stocking cap covered in yellow beads. The next rod action was to yank the fish back taking the stocking cap off the head of the now screaming lady and hat and fish fell back into the tank. I guess the yellow beads look like corn as now the 500 trout attacked the stocking hat sending waves of water over the side of the tank on to the floor. Well it was pretty much down hill from there. Women started screaming men started ducking. Kids chasing flopping trout on the cement floor then you know a guys falls into another guy and that guys takes a swing at that guy and misses and hits another guy who falls on the girlfriend of another guy who hits the first guy who falls into the pool. Then security comes and drags the guy in the pool out but they slip on the edge of the pool and then the pool splits and before you know it a couple of thousands gallons of water is flowing into the main arena and then sail boat get floated and the mast hits the big net holding the balloons for the final night drawing and they fall all over the place and the band starts playing Danny Boy and it's like the Titanic all over again.. And there I am just standing in line with my 75 cents ticket and all I want to do is catch a fish.

[FOOT]

Bobby, I hear ya - been there done that.

[TSCTSC]

Your post is darn funny. Really appreciate it.