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Coldfeet

Cidiots

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Coldfeet

We fine folks up north occasionally come into contact with what we like to call “Cidiots”. Much like the people who live in the cities refer to us as “Hicks” or “Rednecks”. I would like to share a funny story about some Cidiots that I met about 2 years ago, but first I need to clarify some things.

First of all, I would like to point out that I am not a “Hick”, but rather a thoroughbred American Redneck. Hicks and Rednecks are different. You can tell them not only by their appearance, but by their behavior as well. For instance, a Hick only owns one gun. He may own two, a shotgun and a rifle, but that is a rare case. The one gun that a Hick owns us usually a 30-30 lever action which he uses to hunt deer. He also happens to hunt deer at 3:00 in the morning from the back of his pickup using a 1,000,000 candle power spotlight. You will also notice that Hicks have a small wardrobe, they have a t-shirt for warm days, a sweat shirt for cool days, and about 3 pairs of pants for different occasions, and they comb their hair about once a week but you wouldn’t know anyways since they are always wearing a cap with the logo from the local bar on it.

Rednecks on the other hand, are a much more refined animal. A Redneck has no fewer than 5 guns and as many as 20. Any more than 20 then they are no longer considered a Redneck, but rather “Crazy”. A Redneck has a gun for every type of occasion such as trap shooting, grouse hunting, duck hunting, deer hunting, bear hunting, varmint hunting, target practice, etc, etc, etc. We also have a much larger selection of clothing to wear, although most of it looks the same. A pair of jeans for each day of the week, all blue, and about 50 different flannel shirts, but at least we have a clean pair of clothes on each day. Rednecks are also very sportsmanlike when it comes to hunting. We pride ourselves on making the kill on the first shot and we think we are even better than an Indian scout at tracking game. Every Redneck also has a story about the time their gun jammed and they had to tackle a buck by jumping on it from their stand and wrestling with it until they could get their knife out and cut its throat. Which of course could not be true since all Rednecks take such good care of their firearms that there is no way that the gun could have jammed. Did I mention that we are notorious liars, especially when it comes to fishing?

A Cidiot, pronounced “si-dee-ut”, does not necessarily apply to anyone that comes up to hunt or fish from a major city, but like hicks and rednecks, only applies to a certain category of people that come to hunt and fish from the cities. A Cidiot is defined as someone who was born in the city, grew up in the city, never lived even remotely close to anything that you would consider a “rural” area, watches too many hunting and fishing shows on TV, has a midlife crisis and decides that he too will become a master of the woods. Cidiots are easy to spot when they are in rural areas. They are always wearing their hunting gear, which happens to be brand spanking new without so much as a coffee stain on it. They have every stupid hunting gadget imaginable such as a GPS or “fake” rattling antlers (Rednecks know their way around the woods because we live there and therefore have no need for GPS, although we do occasionally use them to mark “hot” fishing spots, and we would never use “fake” antlers, if a redneck needs rattling antlers, he shoots them). Cidiots also only own one gun, which they just bought a week before the hunting season. There are rare occasions where Cidiots own as many as 10 guns, but half of them are handguns which they bought for “self defense” and can’t be used for hunting anyways so they don’t count. Some have a little Redneck gene in them from their great great granddaddy and they just have an urge to own lots of guns, to which I say “more power to you”. The one gun that Cidiots usually own is a very high powered rifle such as a .338 with about a $500 scope on it that weighs about 20 lbs. Although it is impressive, it is not very practical.

Now for my story, which is short but funny. About 2 or 3 years ago after the second day of rifle season, I stopped into the local gas station to pick up a pop and chips after a long day of hunting. In the store I see 5 people who are obviously Cidiots. They meet all of the criteria that I defined above. One of them has a suit that is so new it still has the tag hanging off of it! Anyway, these five guys are in there and there faces are gleaming. They have to be the happiest bunch of guys I’ve ever seen, so I ask them, “Any luck?”. You could just tell that they couldn’t wait to relate their story and I was told all about how they had shot the biggest doe they had ever seen on opening morning (the day before). “That thing has to weigh at least 250 pounds!” one of them told me. I, of course, became curious. I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of does in my lifetime and I’ve never seen one that big. “It’s in the back of the truck around the corner of the gas station” he then adds. “That’s pretty cool.” I said and I paid for my stuff and went out the door. I had to check this out, so I walked around the corner of the gas station and I see a green truck with four legs shooting straight into the air from the bed of the pickup. Upon closer inspection, I found that it was indeed a very large doe, although I wondered if the unseasonably warm weather coupled with the fact that it wasn’t field dressed had anything to do with why it was so big. The day before had reached temperatures near 70 degrees if I recall correctly. I got into my car and drove home laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. That doe was so bloated it was about to explode! I can just see the look on the poor guy’s face who was asked to butcher that thing.

I don’t mean to offend anyone by this post. Cidiots are very friendly people and they provide a good boost to the local economies in the rural parts of the state, and a few laughs to boot. I would also like to add that not everyone that comes from the city is a Cidiot. There are indeed many Rednecks that live in the city, heck, there might even be some Hicks too!

If anyone else has a funny "Redneck" or "Cidiot" story, please share it.

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I have closed this thread and deleted all responses.

I see this as a harmless attempt at humor and no one should take offence to this...it's all in fun anyway grin.gif

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  • Your Responses - Share & Have Fun :)

    • Hoey
      ....is a City Park.  Land of Memories  with a lot of Minnesota and Blue Earth River shore access and I believe you can access the confluence of the rivers there as well.   Another attraction not really connected to fishing is Minneopa State Park with the falls on one side of the road and drive through buffalo herd area on the other.  Parks require a car window sticker for entrance.   Good Luck
    • mrpike1973
      I like them when it's dead calm they seem to work great then. When it gets a little ripple on top not as effective but still learning with them. Thanks for the report jigginjim
    • Mike89
      class of 70 here, and the park across the river  is Land of Memories if I remember correctly...
    • Rick
      Anglers can play a role in a proposed fishing regulation change for northern pike on Lake Vermilion that would simplify northern pike regulations by bringing them in line with the new statewide zone regulation starting in May 2019.  Anyone who wants to ask questions and give input about the regulation proposal can attend an open house scheduled by the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources for 6 to 8 p.m. Wednesday, Aug. 22, at the Tower Civic Center, 402 Pine St., in Tower, Minn. Lake Vermilion northern pike are currently managed under a special regulation that requires all pike from 24 to 36 inches long to be released and only one fish over 36 inches is allowed in a three-fish possession limit. Under the northeast pike zone regulation, all fish from 30 to 40 inches long must be released and no more than one over 40 inches is allowed to be kept in a two fish possession limit. Spearers would be allowed to take any size pike but would be allowed only one fish over 26 inches in the two fish possession limit. “We are interested in the public’s preference about this because either regulation will help maintain the size of pike anglers enjoy on Lake Vermilion,” said Edie Evarts, Tower area fisheries supervisor. “Northern pike have done well and average size has increased under the special regulation that began in 2003. But a shift to the statewide zone regulation would simplify regulations while still protecting a portion of pike.” Public comment on the pike regulation can be submitted through Wednesday, Sept. 26. Questions or comments may be directed to the Tower area fisheries office, 650 Highway 169, Tower, MN 55790, by calling 218-300-7803, or emailing [email protected] Additionally, an open house about this proposal and other fishing regulations under review is scheduled for 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Sept. 26 at the DNR Central Office, 500 Lafayette Road in St. Paul. Staff will take comments on this proposal and other fishing regulations under review around the state. Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • Rick
      The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources has confirmed zebra mussels in Bay Lake, near Deerwood in Crow Wing County. Last fall, a lakeshore owner reported finding the shell of a dead zebra mussel, but additional searches with DNR zebra mussel detection dogs could not confirm the presence of live specimens. Recently, a guest of another lakeshore owner reported finding a live specimen that a DNR invasive species specialist confirmed to be an adult zebra mussel. Additional water sampling showed the presence of veligers and in-lake searches confirmed a reproducing population of zebra mussels in Bay Lake. “Most of the new zebra mussel reports are brought to our attention by people who are out using Minnesota’s public waters in the summer months,” said DNR invasive species specialist Tim Plude. “We appreciate the vigilance of folks reporting them to the DNR, as well as the partnerships we have with lakeshore owners.” Signs at lake accesses have been updated to alert boaters to the presence of zebra mussels. Zebra mussels are transported over land by human activity, and lake users can prevent their spread. It’s an important reminder to follow the state’s invasive species laws:
      • Clean watercraft of aquatic plants and prohibited invasive species,
      • Drain all water by removing drain plugs and keeping them out during transport, and
      • Dispose of unwanted bait in the trash. The DNR also recommends boaters take one or more of the following precautions before moving to another waterbody:
      • Spray with high-pressure water.
      • Rinse with very hot water (120 degrees for at least two minutes or 140 degrees for at least 10 seconds).
      • Dry for leave least five days. When transporting water-related equipment such as boat lifts, docks, swim rafts or associated equipment, Minnesota law requires a 21-day drying time to destroy attached organisms, before placing that equipment in another lake. Zebra mussels are an invasive species that can compete with native species for food and habitat, cut the feet of swimmers, reduce the performance of boat motors, and cause expensive damage to water intake pipes. People should contact an area DNR aquatic invasive species specialist if they think they have found zebra mussels or any other invasive species. More information is available at www.mndnr.gov/AIS. Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • rumeye
    • Cliff Wagenbach
      PSU, Lindys, bobbers with leeches and crawlers. Trolling with cranks and spinners are now good also. Cliff
    • ANYFISH2
      Thanks everyone.  Will spinning gear hold up along the river? I have a couple heavier casting rigs i will bring to handle the cats(hopefully). Any tips on gear/lures/bait to have? Also, considering I am from very central MN, I have caught your usual species.  Any species in the river there, we/I could target that are not very prevalent here? Examples, goldeye, quillback, drum, ect.  less than common fish? Always looking for new fish to add to the list. Thanks again.
    • Lohmwil
      I'll plan on being there.  Sounds like fun
    • Hoey
      That park is Sibley Park.  Areas there for parking with a very short walk to the river.  Water is high i believe.  And plenty of areas for your family to enjoy as well, with a playground and picnicking areas.  I grew up in Mankato, a Scarlet from the class of '78.  40th reunion this year.  I will be in town on Saturday, driving my Mom around to visit family, graves, and places we have lived.  Good Luck!!!