• GUESTS

    If You  want access  to member only forums on FM, You will need to Sign-in or  Sign-Up now .

    This box will disappear once you are signed in as a member.

  • Join In - We Share Fishing Reports & Outdoor Information Here

     
      You know what we all love...

      The same things you do!!!! Share what you love & enjoy in the outdoors as well as thank those whose posts you 'appreciate.'

      Have Fun!!!

Sign in to follow this  
Coldfeet

Cidiots

Recommended Posts

Coldfeet

We fine folks up north occasionally come into contact with what we like to call “Cidiots”. Much like the people who live in the cities refer to us as “Hicks” or “Rednecks”. I would like to share a funny story about some Cidiots that I met about 2 years ago, but first I need to clarify some things.

First of all, I would like to point out that I am not a “Hick”, but rather a thoroughbred American Redneck. Hicks and Rednecks are different. You can tell them not only by their appearance, but by their behavior as well. For instance, a Hick only owns one gun. He may own two, a shotgun and a rifle, but that is a rare case. The one gun that a Hick owns us usually a 30-30 lever action which he uses to hunt deer. He also happens to hunt deer at 3:00 in the morning from the back of his pickup using a 1,000,000 candle power spotlight. You will also notice that Hicks have a small wardrobe, they have a t-shirt for warm days, a sweat shirt for cool days, and about 3 pairs of pants for different occasions, and they comb their hair about once a week but you wouldn’t know anyways since they are always wearing a cap with the logo from the local bar on it.

Rednecks on the other hand, are a much more refined animal. A Redneck has no fewer than 5 guns and as many as 20. Any more than 20 then they are no longer considered a Redneck, but rather “Crazy”. A Redneck has a gun for every type of occasion such as trap shooting, grouse hunting, duck hunting, deer hunting, bear hunting, varmint hunting, target practice, etc, etc, etc. We also have a much larger selection of clothing to wear, although most of it looks the same. A pair of jeans for each day of the week, all blue, and about 50 different flannel shirts, but at least we have a clean pair of clothes on each day. Rednecks are also very sportsmanlike when it comes to hunting. We pride ourselves on making the kill on the first shot and we think we are even better than an Indian scout at tracking game. Every Redneck also has a story about the time their gun jammed and they had to tackle a buck by jumping on it from their stand and wrestling with it until they could get their knife out and cut its throat. Which of course could not be true since all Rednecks take such good care of their firearms that there is no way that the gun could have jammed. Did I mention that we are notorious liars, especially when it comes to fishing?

A Cidiot, pronounced “si-dee-ut”, does not necessarily apply to anyone that comes up to hunt or fish from a major city, but like hicks and rednecks, only applies to a certain category of people that come to hunt and fish from the cities. A Cidiot is defined as someone who was born in the city, grew up in the city, never lived even remotely close to anything that you would consider a “rural” area, watches too many hunting and fishing shows on TV, has a midlife crisis and decides that he too will become a master of the woods. Cidiots are easy to spot when they are in rural areas. They are always wearing their hunting gear, which happens to be brand spanking new without so much as a coffee stain on it. They have every stupid hunting gadget imaginable such as a GPS or “fake” rattling antlers (Rednecks know their way around the woods because we live there and therefore have no need for GPS, although we do occasionally use them to mark “hot” fishing spots, and we would never use “fake” antlers, if a redneck needs rattling antlers, he shoots them). Cidiots also only own one gun, which they just bought a week before the hunting season. There are rare occasions where Cidiots own as many as 10 guns, but half of them are handguns which they bought for “self defense” and can’t be used for hunting anyways so they don’t count. Some have a little Redneck gene in them from their great great granddaddy and they just have an urge to own lots of guns, to which I say “more power to you”. The one gun that Cidiots usually own is a very high powered rifle such as a .338 with about a $500 scope on it that weighs about 20 lbs. Although it is impressive, it is not very practical.

Now for my story, which is short but funny. About 2 or 3 years ago after the second day of rifle season, I stopped into the local gas station to pick up a pop and chips after a long day of hunting. In the store I see 5 people who are obviously Cidiots. They meet all of the criteria that I defined above. One of them has a suit that is so new it still has the tag hanging off of it! Anyway, these five guys are in there and there faces are gleaming. They have to be the happiest bunch of guys I’ve ever seen, so I ask them, “Any luck?”. You could just tell that they couldn’t wait to relate their story and I was told all about how they had shot the biggest doe they had ever seen on opening morning (the day before). “That thing has to weigh at least 250 pounds!” one of them told me. I, of course, became curious. I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of does in my lifetime and I’ve never seen one that big. “It’s in the back of the truck around the corner of the gas station” he then adds. “That’s pretty cool.” I said and I paid for my stuff and went out the door. I had to check this out, so I walked around the corner of the gas station and I see a green truck with four legs shooting straight into the air from the bed of the pickup. Upon closer inspection, I found that it was indeed a very large doe, although I wondered if the unseasonably warm weather coupled with the fact that it wasn’t field dressed had anything to do with why it was so big. The day before had reached temperatures near 70 degrees if I recall correctly. I got into my car and drove home laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. That doe was so bloated it was about to explode! I can just see the look on the poor guy’s face who was asked to butcher that thing.

I don’t mean to offend anyone by this post. Cidiots are very friendly people and they provide a good boost to the local economies in the rural parts of the state, and a few laughs to boot. I would also like to add that not everyone that comes from the city is a Cidiot. There are indeed many Rednecks that live in the city, heck, there might even be some Hicks too!

If anyone else has a funny "Redneck" or "Cidiot" story, please share it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

I have closed this thread and deleted all responses.

I see this as a harmless attempt at humor and no one should take offence to this...it's all in fun anyway grin.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  



  • Your Responses - Share & Have Fun :)

    • Cliff Wagenbach
      Use a good brand of MARINE silicone sealant. Most marinas will give you the right stuff! Cliff
    • Wanderer
      Yup, that’s one that’s as tough or tougher than lakers.  Keep at it!  I’ve fished 6 days this year em and boated 2.  Been fortunate enough to see some every time out though, so I’ll take that.   Glad to hear you’re trying it out. 😎
    • yoppdk
      I'm pretty sure there is a setting on your Hummer that lets you set where (voltage level) you want to get the "low battery" warning or dropout. At least mine does ... and I temporarily reset it once to keep it from dropping out each time I started the outboard. Of course I wouldn't advise that for a long-term fix as you might go to start the engine one time and get nothing but clicks. Is it possible that setting got changed at one time and maybe it's set too high?
    • chaffmj
      Well I got skunked on my first ever attempt to fish muskies. It was still a lot of fun and I will try it again!
    • Rick
      DNR urges people to use caution when operating farm equipment Exceptionally dry conditions in the northwest part of the state have contributed to several small fires over the past week. To prevent a possible wildfire, the Department of Natural Resources urges extreme caution when using farm equipment right now.  To reduce the chances of starting a wildfire when working in the field, follow these steps: Make sure machinery is well maintained and working properly to prevent overheating and the formation of sparks. When cutting or mowing, be aware of rocks that may cause sparks if struck by mower blades. Check that all fire extinguishers are appropriate for the size of the machinery, are fully charged, and are easily accessible. Carry an ABC rated fire extinguisher – it can be used for electrical and petroleum-based fires originating on the tractor and for vegetative fires. Check and remove combustible vegetation from motors, exhausts, ledges and brackets several times a day. Remove debris from the surface of the baler using a portable gas-powered leaf blower. Keep hay in groups of 10 bales or fewer and at least 100 feet away from structures or other ignition sources. Firebreaks – 30 feet of mowed grass, bare ground, or rock between bale groups – will help prevent fire from extending to additional bales. Frequently check to see if stored hay is hot or has internal fire (noted by a caramel or strong burning odor, visible vapor or smoke, strong musty smell, or all of the above). Do not move overheated or smoldering hay. Immediately call 911 if fire occurs and provide clear directions to your location. Check the weather – avoid running equipment on days with warm temperatures, high winds, and low humidity. Plan your day – take advantage of mornings and evenings that tend to have calmer winds, cooler temperatures, and higher humidity. Find more information about fire danger at mndnr.gov/burnrestrictions. ### Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • mrpike1973
      From what I'm hearing I believe I will just keep my K-Drill. I have no doubts whatsoever that Nils is a great product and Frank does awesome work on the blades. Many of my friends have used his services before. I drill a lot and almost always on dirty wind swept ice last year was terrible on the lakes I was on. 2 sets of blades for me last year first set got dull around January then replaced to the second set at the end of the year. I did call K Drill today they said that's normal for the usage I do. No cause for alarm at all. So I'm always looking for the grass is greener on the other side type person. No hurt feelings here fellas both are good augers and I will not say bad things about them just thought I was missing the boat but as someone said does it really matter if you get the hole drilled 2 seconds faster? It matters how many fish you pull up that hole😁
    • BobT
      Here's a thought that just occurred to me. I was having some similar issues with my sonar unit. While troubleshooting noise feedback from my trolling motor, one thing I tried was to add a ferrite core filter on the power cable to my HB 596c. Now that I think about it, I have not had a problem with my HB shutting down on starting my outboard since I added the filter. It's possible the ferrite core is attenuating the voltage fluctuation just enough.    Got the clamp-on filter online for less than $5.00. Something like this one from ebay. You need to get the right size to fit your HBs power cable. Mine was 1/4".   Inexpensive thing to try.
    • leech~~
      So there is Trout in there as well?  Where is this Holy Buckets Lake?  😯
    • BobT
      Now, I'm puzzled. Both units should therefore be experiencing the same brownout conditions when you start your outboard. I wonder if a surge suppressor might be helpful? Is the bow mount unit a newer unit and if so, maybe it has updated technology that is less susceptible to the voltage drop. I'm just thinking out loud now. 
    • Rick G
      Wow, nice gill😁