Words can mean alot!

[River Dan]

In 40+ years, I've wanted to hear just a few words from my dad in the positive sense. I stopped by to visit my parents on the annual get bait and pound the crappie event. Crappie fishing was unreal and I got gallons of minnows for the tank but none of that matters. As I sit and talked with my parents I realized that soon they will pass away and the only thing left will be the memories shared. I realized that my dad will go to the grave never being able to share how he felt, anger and disappointment is the only emotion he expressed. I never heard the words "I Love You" or "I'm proud of You" just disappointment and anger, others have said thats the way he was raised. To me thats garbage, a person can choose to be salt or sugar. I was raised just the same but I chose a different path, a couple words make all the difference in ones life. Tell the people close to you that your proud of them or you love them and just see how much better you feel and how much those few words can encourage those you have contact with! I'm still waiting, its been 40+ years to hear those words from my dad, such few words, a couple seconds to utter but a world of difference they make! Tell those around you "your proud of them" just let them know there loved, be a encourager in life not a discourager, sugar not salt!

[Old Louie]

Hi River Dan, I am very sorry to hear that your father just can't say those words or express love very well. Do you think it was passed down to him in his upbringing as most of that is a learned behavior? I was lucky to have a great dad who shared my hobbies like fishing and camping. He is gone now, but there isn't a week that doesn't go by that I don't think about him. He has passed on so many talents to me that I can only hope I can do the same for my sons. I turn on the polka music on the weekends while working in the garage just to feel his presence again. I have 2 great 23 year old twin sons who enjoy being around me as I have tried very hard to be there for them as my dad was for me. I hope that you and your father can resolve your differences and that he can be a friend to you rather than an indifferent father before it is his time to leave this earth. Just tell him," dad, I have always wanted to be a close friend to you, please tell me what I have done to disappoint you so and what can we both do to achieve a loving friendship? Maybe that will help disarm him a little so he can communicate his true feelings. Keep telling him you love him and see what happens!!

Good Luck and God bless, Louie

[jigginjim]

Hi Dan, Our dads being brothers, it runs in the family. Mine didn't did really come out and say it until he was on his way to surgery, when almost had to force it out him. The 1 time dad was most proud of me, was my retirement dinner from the Army. I was giving the Meritoriuos Service Medal. I stood up to toast, to the ladies at the dinner and our fathers. Could almost see the big gulp in his throat. We both know they do but saying it, well you would find it easier to pull teeth from alligators. LMAO Have a great Day, cuz!!

We need to rip some lips, look out eyes

[Bigsmitty]

Hey Dan,

My dad was the same way. Or at least until he was on his death bed. To bad that it what it takes for some to come around.

Last July while he lay dying of pancreatic cancer he told us all how much he loved us and how proud he was of us. I guess dying relativly slowly is a luxury somehow. If he would have died unexpectedly we would never have heard those kind words.

I feel the same way as you. I make sure to tell my two teenage sons how proud I am of them and how much I love them on a regular basis. I think its kinda funny how they think Im being "sappy". Guess what..... I dont care at all.

[tunrevir]

Good words to live by there guys! Keep telling them how much you love and care about them even if it brings a grouchy retort. Deep inside I believe they know how much you love them and they you, but PRIDE keeps them from saying it. One thing that fishing can do for all of us is help us swallow our pride a bit now and then. For those who never get a skunk or profess to, the day will come. Pride can be good or bad depending on how it manifests. Riverdan, keep working on him with patience and keep praying for the day when he says the words you ong to hear. If he never does you will have a clear concious as you tried the best you could. Any father would be proud to know that one of thier kids gave it the best shot they could. Hang in there man, and thanks for the words of wisdom!

Tunrevir~

[FishonTom]

River Dan, Know where you are coming from, and I feel truly sorry for him. All you can do is pray for him and hope that some day he will wake up. Some day I will tell you my story. My Dad passed a year ago and I still have not let it go.

See you on the river.

Tom

[hondavxr]

Dan, my pops is the same way I have never heard a peep of him saying he is proud of me or that he loved me. I learned when I got a little older that maybe his way of showing love is just different. My dad is exactly like your dad. I have found out in my own way that if dad aint yelling or lecturing you that means you are doing something right, thats his way of showing love. I think it is more of a generation issue.

[croixeyes]

Dan,you need to go to him and tell him how you feel if you havent.My dad passed away almost thirty years ago,I was only 19 at the time and at an age of rebeling against everything.My dad was pretty gruff but the heart was in there in his own way.He let us kids know how he felt but it wasnt with words most times,a hug,a pat on the head.He was strict with us and that was easier to do than share feelings of love and pride.It may be the hardest thing for you to do but you owe it to yourself to approach him on this issue if your questioning wether he has these emotions in him.Let him know how important it is to you,thats all you can do....See ya on the river......

[BigWadeS]

Great post Dan and I agree 100%

[jigginjim]

Dan, maybe mae(mom) could help him see the light. After dad died, I still wish, I had been able to spend more time with him. All we can do is, tell them we still love them.

[machohorn]

I was in the same boat, never talked to him for 20 years, not that I did'nt try. it was his choice. Then with 6 months to live ( so I thought) I get a call from him in Chicage saying he wants to come home and live with us. I moved him home 2 days later and he died on my couch from cancer about a week later. I found out after from his doc that he had had 3 heart attacks and the cancer was running through out his body for over a year. He just could not find the words to tell me until it was too late. Take care

[FishonTom]

I know that this is one of the reasons why I never miss an opportunity to let my kids know how much I love them. It will mean a lot to them some day and they will never have to write a post like this. I don't know who gets more out of it, me, or them.

And hey, all my fishing brothers out there, I love you man!

[Sandmannd]

My Dad was the same way. I guess the "old school" guys are too tough for that sort of thing. Well, my Dad had a real bad bought with cancer six years ago and says it now any chance he can get. I make it a point to tell my family and friends what they mean anytime I can. I think being able to say those things to people actually make you more of a man.