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genegodawa

I think we need to start up some marriage jokes aimed at Jones

22 posts in this topic

Beef, you don't have to ask me twice.

Here's the first:

A woman and her husband interrupted their honeymoon to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

Brian, be sure you get separate dentists.

PS - when will the fiance have an announcement like Britney's?

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Jones will you sell me your boat now so you can pay for the ring??? After W-Day it is all DOWN hill....

I can hear it now--Honey can I go fish?? grin.gifgrin.gifgrin.gif

Beef

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Yeah, he won't need his boat anymore. I'm sure his future in-laws/friends have already picked out a new one. He'll have all the latest and greatest - can't wait to see the aqua-view in use.

WANTED: Good woman with fishing boat - send picture of boat.

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A good friend of mine once told me his definition of getting married and so far it seems true to fact.Seeing this is my second go around I am a firm believer in it so here goes."It's the f-----g you get, for the f-----g you got!" shocked.gif

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O.K. Brian, here goes...

A man is dating three women and wants to pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest YAA-BOs.

grin.gifgrin.gifgrin.gif hehehe

Good Luck!

Ken

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Here are a couple of the 10 Commandments of Marriage:

Commandment 8.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 10.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

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These are great guys, keep em comeing! tongue.gif

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Jones,

Give me a call, I tried your cell over the weekend but it wasn't working....

Beef

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Hey Beef, I know Brian will need some ice soon and I was wondering what the ice condition is on Cass Lake?

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What Ice??

From the sounds of it there was some by Federal Dam Sunday, but that may be gone now...Open water already...Should be a great opener...

Beef

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Ole and Lena are getting maried, but Lena is afraid she will be no good in bed so she asks Lars for some advice. Lars says Lena all you have to know is blow, blow, blow. So on their wedding night she does as instructed and after the third time Ole says, Lena you have made me the happiest man on earth what can i do for you. Lena says kiss me. blush.gif

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Can a man ever really understand a woman that he is in a relationship with? Hopefully, Brian, you will either learn to, or learn not to even try.

--------

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man

sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of the logistics of

that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?

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You just remember Jones who is not giving you bs about all this...just hold those honey hole spots until the Texan gets there....

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Texan,

If you noticed, I haven't sent any jokes in either. Brian is taking us out first on that Sunday and I haven't been out with him yet so I'm not about to get him all riled up before our trip.

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Smart man..... cool.gif

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Aw c'mon guys, show him you care....or is it just that you find absolutely nothing funny about marriage????

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I dont care who you are, thats funny right there! grin.gif

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Walter,

You know what I don't care about? Apathy!

Not sure how to read into your last post. Don't see the humor, can you please explain?

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YOU'RE DOOMED!

What did the wife say to the husband after he asked, "Honey, can I go fishing?"?

Wife: "Is this business or pleasure?"

Husband: "Business."

Wife: "Okay, have fun. Just make sure they write 2 checks!"

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Gene,

I was responding to my brothers comments, CFD Medic, back on the 14th. Sorry, I should have brought attention to that grin.gif

Walter

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Walter,

Somehow I knew it was an "inside joke". You are lucky to have brothers to trash talk with - I have 3 sisters, but at least they put up with me without too much backtalk.

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Gene,

Ive got one of those too. Consider yourself lucky they dont backtalk you much!

Walter

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