Ever had a really lousy "guide"?

[thaJman]

If so, lets hear the story! Here is mine: (yes I know most guides are worth the $$ and much more...this fella was long past his prime and is not very motivated)

I recently hired a guide to take me and a few buddies out to help us learn a big body of water. It turned out to be a complete waste of time and money as the guy was useless and put zero effort into the trip. We hit a stump going about 25 MPH, ground up rocks with the prop, and caught way less fish all day then we had caught ourselves in 1.5 hours the afternoon before. After we hit the stump which killed the motor and sent us all flying (one guys head hit the windshield) he muttered something about cutting through the under water stump field being a bad idea and then just fired the new Verado 250 back up. I asked if he was going to look at the damage and he said "no, if it still runs its fine". (all mechanics take note!) His boat was not fully rigged yet either (no kicker) and all 4 of us had the exact same jig and plastic tied on all day despite the fact that this was obviously not working. We had to initiate moves to new spots after long periods of inactivity..."hey do you have any other spots we can try?" The guy never offered to net the few fish we caught or never even knew the other 3 guys names by days end. He just sat up in the bow fishing and occasionally mumbling something about the depth. His idea of a full day guided trip? 9 AM - 4 PM. With about a 1 hour lunch stop too. It was supposed to be 8-4 but he did not show up to the boat ramp until 8:15 and it was easily 9:00 by the time we started.

I have been on guided trips in the past that have been awesome and cut the learning curve of new waters way down. This however was a joke. We got zero new spots, tactics, and tips from this guy. I understand that we all have bad days and that the fish are not always biting but at least you should be doing everything you can to put fish in the boat, like changing spots or presentations.

In the end our $400 bought us some laughs (it took a few days but we can laugh now) and a new verb. Now instead of saying "I got f$%^d" we say "I got Xxxxxx'd"

[Eastwind]

Every guide that my friends and I ever hired put us on fish and earned their money. However, four of us did hire one young pup as a guide in Saskatchewan, a few years back, that we still have fun talking about. The night we arrived we were told by the owner of the resort that our guide would be stopping by to introduce himself and to set an agreeable departure time for the next morning. We finished unpacking, set all of our rods reels and tackle boxes up on the deck and made a drink. Soon our guide showed up at the deck of our cabin and promptly said, very formally, " Good evening gents, I am ---- and I will be your guide over the next three days. Traditionally, I like to stop by and take a look at the equipment of the people that I will be guiding. I have to tell you that I couldn't help but notice that your equipment is much bigger than my own . That has normally been the case when I have guided other groups from the U.S. So I am not suprised" And he was serious?? You can only imagine what fun we had over the next three days with this one. We tipped him well. He deserved it. It's a darn good thing that none of us ever drink while on the water.

[Corey Bechtold]

What the heck were you guys doing on the porch naked in the first place?

Nice stories,

Corey Bechtold

[Eastwind]

What makes you think that we needed to be naked for him to know the size of our equpiment? You know what they say about big tackle boxes.

[gunflint]

thaJman,

Every guide can have an off day now and then, but that wasn't a guide it was a con man. I don't think that's too common, although I could be wrong. Most guiding communities wouldn't put up with that kind of service, and it reflects badly on the rest of the guides in the area.

[kpj5br]

Well, I've never hired a fishing guide, but I can tell a story about a hunting "guide", and the word guide in quotes means a lot.

This was a whitetail hunt, in a part of the continent I had never visited before. So myself and my brother-in-law, knowing we only had 5 days, decided let's go ahead and hire an "outfitting" service, knowing that the local guides were the experts in the area and we knew nothing.

So, we paid $1800, and that does not include any food or lodging, processing, nothing, that's just the "guide" and the rights to hunt on 160 acres of "private land" abutting "thousands of acres of wilderness".

Still, I say, we don't have the time to scout, set up stands/blinds, etc., this is well worth it.

So we show up Friday before the hunt starts on Saturday. The guy seems nice enough, drives us around in his truck to get a lay of the land, and says meet him at 6am tomorrow morning.

Well, first off, to me, 6am is a little late to start, I'm kind of a fanatic, I like to be in the stand and silent at least an hour before first light, but this guy is the expert, right?

6am next morning, he's "awake", but clearly pretty severely hung over, and smelling like a mix between a sausage factory and a brewery. I do NOT want this guy taking me into the woods and having his scent bust every living thing with a nose within a thousand yards, but "he's the expert..."

My "stand" turns out to be a rickety old batch of 2x4s nailed to a tree with a creaky plywood seat...my brother-in-law fared no better.

And so, this basically continued for three days. See any deer? No, I saw one grouse, and one squirrel in 3 days. By then I had pretty much had enough.

I went into town, spoke with some of the local guys, and they gave me some tips on some public land about 60 miles away.

That afternoon, I drove the hour roughly to the spot they were talking about, obviously without said "guide". By 4pm I had shot a decent 7-point buck, seen lots of other deer, and was casually making my way back towards town.

umm, let's see, no I do not recommend this "guide" to anyone else...

[ZapBranigan]

Yeah Cory don't ya know the shoe size is the normal signal. Ha!! I've really only had one bad guide. I've had tough days with guides but bad guides are fairly rare I hope. All I really ask is that they take some time to tell me what and why we are doing what we are doing. A lot nicer if the are personable and not bad to be with. They really should have a few plans of actions to try for most bodies of water.

Short version : My dad contacted a guide while we were up on Osakis he came in his boat and picked us up at the resort we were staying at. Everything seemed good. The night before he assured us he would show us how to fish the lake. An hour or so into the trip he seemed to have a single plan and that wasn't working. Worse though he started telling us we were on the wrong lake and we shouldn't have called him for this lake. He got real short with everything and lost all ambition to really do anything but complain about our lake selection. Man that was a long day. Dad talked him into cutting it to a half day. Thank goodness. Aargh.

[mudman]

posted cost $125

fish caught by guide 1

fish caught by me 0

hours of fishing 6

priced charged at the end $200

[FOOT]

I've always had real good luck with the few fishing guides I've hired but I had one bad experience with a hunting guide. I know this is a fishing forum, hope you all don't mind if I relate this story.

I was stationed in Colorado Springs in the AF in 1967 when I decided to go Elk hunting. Having never hunted anything bigger then a Whitetail I decided to check out the guides. On recomendation from a fellow serviceman I called Louie. Louie was a life long Colorado resident who ranched and guided for big game.

He filled my head with all kinds of stories and tales so I sent the guy $200 to reserve a spot.

When my time came I took leave and drove to the high country of Ouray Colo. The ranch looked perfect. After an evening meal I turned in early (had to stay in the bunk house w/ other ranch hands).

Dawn came and went and finally I found the rancher. He had been busy with one of his horses, which I could understand so I let it go. We ate quick and saddled up.

All morning long we rode up the side of a mountain. About noon we got to the top, got off and had a cold lunch. When we had finsihed eating we got back on the horses and rode back down, ate supper and went to bed.

Next day was a repeat. At the end of the second day I went balistic. He said OK you wan to hunt different, tomorrow we'll hunt different.

The third day started off the same but when we got to the top of the mountain I got off and he took my horses and rode back down. I walked back down, getting there well after midnight.

Enough was enough I demanded my money back. Total was $550. But he wasn't about to give it back.

I learned a valuable lesson on that one.

[icehousebob]

Two years ago, my older brother hunted New Mexico elk with a group of four. The outfitter promised a cook and two guides. They had to do their own cooking and set up their own camp and the two guides who showed up late had never been in that area before. Their way of hunting was to walk from sunup to sundown. On the last day, Curt went out and sat by a trail until an elk came down. After he shot it, the guide didn't know quite what to do. My brother flagged down two guys going past with a pair of mules(what are the chances?) and they hauled his elk back to a logging road for him. The guiding and outfitter's fees were renegotiated.

[Lunker]

I actually have one on the other end of the spectrum. My girlfriends family brought me to Hawaii for spring break. My one request, I must go fihsing! So we scheduled a day on a boat fishing for marlin, mahi, tuna, etc. It was a 6 hour day, and our guides were there early, and we headed out with one other couple. The one guide drove the big boat, and the other rigged lines, and talked to us. Very friendly, lots of stories, very honest about the amount of fish caught. Well, after about an hour my girlfriends line goes and she catches a 20lb+ mahi mahi. After another 20 minutes the other womans line goes, and when the guide gaffs her mahi mahi and brings it over the boatm we here the dreaded words spoken to the other guide "I GOT A HOOK BRO"! We quickly shove the fish in the cooler, get everything out of the way to see the damage. The guide has a enournmous galvanized hook sunk deep into the fat part of the forearm. I can't remember the guage but it was about as thick as a pencil, and deep. They decided it had to be pushed through, but since the hook wasnt razor sharp we had to hold his skin down around the point so the other guide could push it through. Then he tells us, well, "I won't fish the second shift cause I need a tetnis shot." But that still meant another 4 hours with us, which he completed without a complaint, or to out horror, a bandage. That's a dedicated guide!

[Tripleplay]

Had a young man (recently graduated from high school) up in the Angle who guided FOUR boats for eyes and saugers and busted his rear for us. According to him, our second day with him was the first time he had failed to get a limit for his clients and in our case that meant all of the boats. That is the only time I've ever paid for a fishing guide and it was great.

Hunting trip to Wyoming. Private ranch and rancher to guide my dad and I--ranchers idea of hunting was one gun riding in the back of the truck to shoot anything we saw on the top of the butte or while driving down the coulees. (rancher also still quite drunk at 5AM) We chose not to pay for his guiding services after the first day but did our own thing and had a couple of great years of hunting on the ranch. Terrible guide but good property.

[Ole1855]

As long as the topic has gotten into hunting, here's one that happened to one of my friends.

About 10-12 years ago, my buddy, his cousin and 2 friends went Elk hunting in CO. On their first morning they left camp with the guide on horseback after a couple of hours they split up, my friend, his cousin and one of his buddies went one way and the guide and other buddy went another way. After about 1/2 hour a storm came up and it started raining really hard and also alot of lightening, my friend and the two guy's he was with didn't like being out in this weather so they started back to camp. They figured they'd probably meet up with other friend and guide on the way back. All of a sudden they could hear a rifle being shot round after round, they headed toward the shots and found the guide dead and their friend paralized from the waist down. The guide took a direct hit from the lightening and their friend was standing next to the guide and also took one heck of a jolt. They loaded their buddy and the guides body onto the horses and made their way back to camp. Once back to camp their buddy was taken to the nearest hospital where he remained for a week, he finally regained the use of his legs but according to my friend, the guy has aged 20 years due to the lightening strike. The next morning the got up packed and drove back to MN, never completing their hunt, also, my friend has never gone back Elk hunting.

Hopefully this isn't too gruesome, if it is and it get's pulled I understand.

Ole