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Minnesota by Jeff Foxworthy


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Ok I know this has been around for a while but it's funny anyway smile.gif

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through l8
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim
by, you might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights
each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
you might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
you might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work
there, you might live in Minnesota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live
in Minnesota

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
in Minnesota.

If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you
might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.

"Vacation" means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm
at any given time.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

You consider Minneapolis exotic.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
blue spruce.

Down South to you means Iowa.

A brat is something you eat.

You go out to fish fry every Friday.

You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota
friends.

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If you are a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU, you might be a Minnesotan.

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If the Hawkeyes are sore and bruised, and they just lost 42 to 0, then they know they're in Minnesota. (But they probably still won't know it's November 13)

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Off topic, but the Hawkeyes have owned the Gophers over the last 22 years (15-7) wink.gif

------------------
"Nothing says business in the front and party in back like a good mullet."

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OK. It’s a joke thread. I made it up. But here in Minnesota, we believe in the future. (OK, maybe not the Super Bowl...)

So now, back to the topic:

If your girlfriend is ugly, in fact SO ugly, that the only time she EVER got whistled at, was right before the train hit her, then she might be from......oh wait, that’s Iowa......I’ll try again... grin.gif...

If your girlfriend isn’t so much ugly as she is cross-eyed, in fact SO crosseyed, that when she crys, tears run down her back, then she just might be from.......oh, shoot, did it again.......One last try.

If you go to a tailgating party, and instead of brats and steaks, you bring 100 bullheads, heads off and gutted, but with the skin on, then you just might be from.......oooohhhh, uff da, I give up. tongue.gif,U Betcha.

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If you have 10,000 lakes and can still only fish with one pole, you might be from Minnesota. Muleskinner leave the uglies alone everyone needs love smile.gif

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If your posting in the ice fishing forum in the middle of July you might be a Minnesotan

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When its 80 degrees outside and you are wishing it was -20 so you can sit on a bucket on a sheet of ice you might be a Minnesotan.

[This message has been edited by rmh2o (edited 08-12-2004).]

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If you are from Penna. and reading an ice fishing forum in August you should be in Minnesota.

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rmh2o, how's it going? Long time no talk since Ohio. Hope all's well with you. I sent you an e-mail the other day, it was returned. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I posted an Erie pic on FM the other day. No big deal. I'm gonna stick it on the "Brag Board" grin.gif
Take care, Mark

------------------
http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

[This message has been edited by can it be luck? (edited 08-13-2004).]

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If you go to a mud bog to pick up chicks, you might live in Minnesota.

(My son and his friend did this last Saturday)

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If you put more salt on your driveway than you put in the softner, you might be a minnesotan.

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If you have ever used a skid steer loader to stir the coals in the saturday night smart fire you might be from minnesota.
If you have ever cut xmas trees up near Fonce you might be from minnesota....

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If you get over a foot of snow and the schools remain open...you might live in MN.

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If you have ever heard of Fonce, yet alone know where it is (and actually plan on hunting around there this fall), you are definitely from Minnesota.

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If you have ever mounted skis on a piece of living room furniture, you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever set fire to a piece of living room furniture, mounted on skis, and rode it down a snow covered hill....you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever ran out of a 150 degree sauna and jumped into a 32 degree lake, you might be from Minnesota

If you have ever used fireworks (M80) to get rid of ground wasps, you might be from Minnesota.

If you have ever modified a lawn mower so it would reach speeds of 40mph, you might be from Cromwell, MN

[This message has been edited by Granny (edited 08-17-2004).]

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If you dump 3 gallons of gas down a ground wasp nest, then lit it on fire, you might be a redneck, er I mean from Minnesota.

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Ebass,
You didn't happen to catch that on video tape did you? Did the grass ever grow back?

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Granny,

We don't even go into the sauna until it get's to 190 or higher!!

When you jump in the lake after taking a sauna on the 3rd week of deer camp and the next morning there's 1.5" of ice on the lake, you might be from MN.

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Granny, no we never did, just the wonderful memories. That's OK - no proof officer - LOL.

I don't know if the grass came back. I don't live there anymore. (Ex's place - D'oh!)

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If you've ever won the drinking award at eelpout festival while underage, you might be from minnesota!!

------------------
a Leap year huh? sweet, an extra day of fishing!

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  • Your Responses - Share & Have Fun :)

    • leech~~
      Found a few today. 
    • LakeofthewoodsMN
      On the south end... Ice roads and ice trails are extending out on Lake of the Woods looking to connect with schools of walleyes and saugers.  Some ice roads are out as far as 24 miles.   The subzero cold snap is good for extending ice into March, but it was tough on the bite.  Once the weather started warming up, so did the bite.   Most anglers report picking through numbers of small fish to catch eaters, slot fish and some true trophy fish over 28 inches. Depths vary depending upon outfitter based on where they are fishing, but as a rule, 32-36 feet has been the norm.  The morning / evening bite for walleyes in shallow water,16 - 19 feet, has been active for some. Jigging a lipless crankbait with vibration and rattles has been working well to catch some fish and also draws other fish into the area you are fishing.  Some fish in more of a neutral mood will slide over and take interest in your deadstick, a live minnow just off of the bottom. As a rule, glow and bright colors during cloudy days, the golds and silvers during sunny days.   A mixed bag for many being reported, including walleyes, saugers, jumbo perch, eelpout (burbot), pike, tullibees and even a few sturgeon and crappies.   On the Rainy River...   The golden hour (beginning and end of the day) continues to be the best on the river for those fishing for walleyes and saugers.  Some good reports this week. Some sturgeon have been iced at night by those hunting dinosaurs.   Ice conditions can vary on the river as there is current, work through a resort or outfitter for safety.   Up at the NW Angle... Resorts up at the Angle are hard at work staying on the walleyes.  As a rule, 24 - 30 feet of water is the norm.   Similar to the south shore, using a noisy, more aggressive lure has been effective, as has a jigging spoon tipped with a piece of minnow.  Work the jigging line in one hole with a deadstick and a plain hook a foot off of the bottom in your second hole.   Many eater walleyes caught this week with a variety of other fish in the mix.  Some anglers fishing the Ontario side for crappies are finding some nice slabs. Driving through Canada to the Angle no longer requires vaccinations or the use of the ArriveCan App. For those looking to access the Angle while avoiding customs, snowmobiling across the lake on the marked trails or utilizing the Lake of the Woods Passenger (bombardier) Service are best options.  Fish houses are out through March 31st, walleye and sauger season through April 14, pike season never closes. 
    • Rick
      Visitors to Minneopa State Park may soon notice fewer trees near the waterfall area of the park. The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources will remove 20 trees from the area, including 17 ash trees, beginning Feb. 6.Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • SkunkedAgain
      I can confirm that I have 3-4 bars the entire drive from Cook to The Landing. When I winter park at a cabin near CigarGuy, I get two bars way up on the hill but still through the trees. There is good reception out on the lake but I haven't exactly been riding around and pulling out my phone to check my cell reception.   Depending on where you are, you may have 4 bars or none. I have none still, but that's because I'm on the north side of a hill with tall trees between my cabin and the tower.
    • fishing_the_northland
      ~10" perch and an 8" bluegill
    • gimruis
      Something else to just keep in mind here now too is that the deadline to remove permanent overnight unattended shacks is in exactly one month in the southern 2/3 of the state - March 6.  Plan ahead and don't let your castle get stuck out there beyond the deadline.  The DNR can and will confiscate it on site because I know people who have experienced this.
    • monstermoose78
      I heard Green lake by Princeton has plowed roads and truck and castles out there. I will swing by to check it out. Please check the ice conditions for yourself. There is 4-6 inches if slush ice so take that off your totals as that is not very strong. 
    • Rick
      The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources invites anglers and others to comment through Wednesday, March 15, on fisheries management plans for several waters in Carlton and St. Louis counties.Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • Rick
      The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources invites anglers and others to comment through Friday, March 17, on fisheries management plans for several lakes in the Grand Rapids area.Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
    • Rick
      The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources invites people interested in fishing, wildlife and outdoor skills to tune in to upcoming webinars that will discuss burbot fishing and bald eagles.Discuss below - to view set the hook here.
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