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child support paying dads


bucketmouth64

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Any divorced dads out there paying support get their COLA adjustment yet? Just received my notification about the increase. Going over 9 bills now. I like to dream what I could be using that money for...like fishing trips.

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Every two years. Yep, it goes up. Its just a fact of life now and you got to get over it or you will live the rest of your life being pi$$ed off. I just spent the last 22 years paying support.
I am done paying support now. Ya see I just got custady of my 14 year old son two years ago. And now my X is paying me. I went through two years of hell, atterneys, court dates, and not to mention an empty pocket that I am still trying to recover.
Now that it is all over with I can say that I wish my X would have been a good Mom, becouse she really hurt my son,and now has dissowned him. I just did what I had to do as a father. I do have to admitt, I now buy our fishing minnows with her money, with just a slight smerk on my face grin.gifgrin.gifgrin.gif
As a father it doesnt get any better than this! JUst to know that I am makeing a difference in his life. smile.gif

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HH, congratulations on gaining custody of your son. I have 2 and they live out of state with their mother. I wish I would have had some sort of agreement that I would gain custody of them for maybe their high school years. Really miss them. Summer is approaching and I'll have them for 2 months. smile.gif. I can only pray that some day one or both would want to come and live with me for a while.

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Funny... When I was paying child support, Ramsey County and my ex-wife treated that whole process like a religion. She always wanted more and the county was always happy to help her get it. By the time my son was so screwed up that she could not deal with him and he had to come live with me (he's a-ok now by the way) and the custody roles are reversed, she does not have to pay me one thin dime. Like I said, funny. . .

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I split with my ex when my son was two, and I have had custody of him from the beginning. He is 23 now. I never got a dime from her. She never even saw him once after he was seven. I had to pay all of the bills she had accumulated while we were married and a few after we were split. It took me six years of working two jobs to do it, but it was worth it. My son had a lot of issues that took a lot of professional help to figure out, but I was there for him all of the time. I have now been happily married for fifteen years to a wonderful woman who lets me fish almost as much as I want. She was a huge help with my son during some very difficult times. I had to raise him on my own for the first seven years. Wouldn't trade that experience for anything. Life throws you a few curve balls, you just have to learn how to be patient to make yourself a good hitter. Time heals all.

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i have been there too. i got custody of my twins five years ago. they are now almost 18. their mom was a mental case. she finally did get help and now atleast the kids have a mom again instead of the crazy woman. the first two years were very hard for us, but we managed. now life has been great . they can and do drive me nuts some days, but i love it! i did cry some when both of them got their drivers license!!! mercy! but still cheaper than the support i was paying. to the dads paying and don't get to see their kids ; my heart goes out to you! to the fathers that got their kids; it's a tough job some days, but you are up to it. cheris every minute of it ! del

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I have a great info. web site for MN.Either Dads or Moms with out custody of there childen.WE THE PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE CHILD SUPPORT LAWS.Too many non custody parents!!! Not dead beats, are ..STRAVING because support payments.

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Ohhh, the woes of support. I payed 23% to the state of CT and 17% to Wi. for a total of 40% of my gross earnings for 18 years! I HAD TO work my arse off or get thrown into jail all that time. My daughter(age 22 now) did move in with me and I became the recepient of support when she turned 17, and my son in CT is now 18. I love my kids and yes they do need support...But 40%! Wow.
Well, it's in the past now and I've taken a couple of years off to enjoy myself without the fear of being thrown in jail for non support. I FIRMLY believe in child support, but at times the states make it almost IMPOSSIBLE for working dads.

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http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

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blgoose and others. There is a ray of hope for us dads. The legislature is looking to change the support laws and the marriage dissolution laws. It has been a long time coming and the legislature knows it. It got shelved last year, but I was told by my Rep. that it looks like something should get done this year. Senator Tom Neuville is the author of one of the bills and he is looking for input on the changes. You can look up the bill sf778 and read the proposed changes. The support changes looks at both partys incomes and then determines an appropriate amount(formula). Not quite sure how that calculation works. I guess there will lots of arguements on the floor when it gets to that point. So there is hope for us dads. Contact your local politician.

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I pay but in north dakota and am under review right now. Im just wondering what is a COLA adjustment and is it a MN thing?

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Hi all,

I hear your gripes about the support. My best friend is going through that right now. I gots one question for you all...
Is it even worth getting married these days?
I see all the heck everyone is going through and the ordeal my friend has and it makes me wonder if marriage is even worth it?

Just curious on your thoughts. Thanks

Happy Fishing.
Chev

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  • 'we have more fun' FishingMN Creators

Chev If you have kids your still going to pay child support regardless if you married or not.
Its absolutely worth getting married today but only do it if its right.
The best thing for the kids is to give them a functional family environment they can thrive in and use as a role model for their lives and relationships with their partner later in life. This doesn't always happen when the parents don't get along. If your relationship fails with your spouse its a loosing deal for all involved. The way you and your partner communicate will set an example for your children.
I'm 45 and still remember being asked "who do you want to live with". Thats devastating to a child to hear and never looked at that situation in my parents perspective. It must relay suck to loose contact with your child.
Your plight is an eye opener to us "happily married" guys.

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Doesn't matter whether you're married or not, if the child has your last name, you're paying. When I went through mine, my attorney put MN as one of the worst states to get divorced in as far as child support. So I did it in Colorado. It hasn't ever been reviewed (10yrs).
The X is in New Mexico right now, so I have to bite my tongue now and then, but it's worth it when I can work out taking my daughter for the summer. Hopefully this summer will be the summer she catches the BIG ONE. An 8 1/2lb northern lit her eyes up last summer, and there's nothing better than seeing that on a kid's face.

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Takin it easy! & if it’s easy, I’ll take it twice!

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Chev-trucks, it's hard to say if marriage is even worth it anymore...At least based on divorce rates.
ST, I like what you said in your post.
BTW people, do you ever notice all your male friends have the same personalities and act the same almost all the time. Women on the other hand are different, you never know what you're gonna get. I know hormones do play a part here, but geeze I've never met a woman that's remained the same throughout a relationship. My last girlfriend thought I was having affairs when I went to MN fishing. She found a lake pass that was hand written from Agazzi's launch on Red(it had the husband and wifes name and date of pass) and she said they were sexual partners I meet at Red Lake. Red's fun..But not that fun!
PLEASE, I don't want women to take offense! I speak from my experiences ONLY. I just know what to expect when my buddys show up, and they always act the same. With woman....You never know just "who" may show up!

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can it be luck,

You might be able to relate to a quote of a former boss of mine, which he said while griping at work one morning about his wife after what sounded like a grumpy day waking up in his house:

"So I told her: 'You gotta understand - Every day when I wake up, I feel the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that... I don't change weekly like you do!' "

Of course, this is the guy who once said "Life is like a candy bar... that you can't... quite... reach." smile.gif

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Thanks for the replies. This is definately an interesting topic. I am not married nor do I have any kids. They are always something that I wanted though. I am in a relationship right now and seeing all the divorces going on and what people are going through is giving me second thoughts. I just hope that doesn't happen to me...
Anyways Good Luck Too All Of Ya!

Happy Fishing
Chev

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Gatores,

COLA stands for cost of living adjustment. It is a MN thing. Done every 2 years automatically to give ex's more money. You are giving them a raise. Feel like an employer. Trying to fight the increase is next to impossible. All MN laws (in regards to support, divorce, custody) benefit the women in all aspects and us men do not have any. We just suffer and try to make ends meet each month.

I would love to get re-married someday. I need to find someone first (been 6 years guys tongue.gif) I think I am holding out pretty good. I want to share my life with someone special.

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Bucketmouth 64, I can really simpithize with those of you that, the children live out of state. Two months in the summer is definatly not enough time to show them all aspects of outdoors in MN. My son used to live in FL. I totaly get it when you say you miss them. Good luck to you and yours!

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heres the other side of the coin, my wife ex is 8 grand behind in support, went to judge cut payment because he scamed unemployment and cant afford child support and paying back state for unemployment. also while he was working and collecting unemployment was paying 250.00 a moth for 3 kids, he also is supposed to pay medical he doesnt, i pay their insurance, plus 2have braces i pay for, 1 spent 1 week in hospital,i paid, so dontyou all tell me how your getting screwed, look at it from the other side, im sure some are but i know theyre lots like my wife ex FLAME AWAY

[This message has been edited by jr1318 (edited 03-28-2004).]

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A huge kudos to all of you taking responsibitlity for your kids and for your past decisions. As someone working with youth, ALL too often I see people who have only been interested in a weekend of fun, and then decided they still want to be kids themselves after they have kids of their own. Kids can't raise kids! Thank you for being accountable for your decisions in the past. There are so many people out there who want kids but can't have them. When you understand what a blessing your kids are, money doesn't really matter. My two cents from an objective point of view.

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JR1318 It is unfortunate that you have to deal with this looser in your life. I would not be blameing all non custodial Dads for your misfortune. But that is just me. If I missread your post, then I appaligize. It does not seem to make sence.
Sounds like you had and have choices though.
There is a heck of a lot of good Dads out there and I comend them. There are a lot of good Dads getting financialy raped. I have never heard of a Non costodial mom getting the raw end of the deal. There a lot of Moms that should not have custady of there children and for the most part, only do becouse of the financial gains of haveing custady.
HoleHopper

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I've been divorced since Sept. '01. I have 2 wonderful girl's, 10 and 5. Their mom basically got disowned by her family and moved down to Duluth to be with boyfriend #2. In between me and him, she had a baby with boyfriend #1 and dumped him before the baby was born. Now she's pregnant again, maybe with boyfriend #2's baby, but who knows for sure? Is it just me or is there a pattern here? I'm waiting for her to kick boyfriend #2 to the curb, and then get child support out of him too. I get the girl's every other weekend and during vacations during the school year and every other week in the summer. It's nice, but they still live 90 miles away, so it's hard to make it to all the school activities, but I try. I just wish that child support paying parent's didn't have to claim the support as income and the support receiving parent's did. Oh yeah, I'm paying $480 a month. I'd also like to see the support receiving parent have to show documentation on what the support was spent on. I also pay the kid's medical and dental insurance. This state needs to get out of the dark ages when it comes to child support. Granted they're trying to re-vamp it, but knowing my x, she can't hold a job for more than a year, so how will they figure her income out? All I know is she's making more a month in child support, than what my monthly take home is. Thank God I met a wonderful woman and have been happily married a little over 2 years now. She's been really great for my kid's. If it wasn't for her income, I'd be living with my parent's because I would have a hard time surviving on $1400 a month take home.

Brian

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I hear ya! And amen to that. Child support is GREAT...But not always fair.
IMO, people could, and do view children as "income", being rewarded by the state and non-custodial parent. Heck you'll always have to pay to put a roof over your head and have utilities, so how much "extra" is really needed????

------------------
http://groups.msn.com/canitbeluck

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Yes a guy can make them prove documents on where the money is going. Atleast I did. At first we just made verbal agreement then she wanted more. I gave it to her then she wanted more again and I gave it to her. I have always paid the health insurance. The third time she wanted more I said no so off to court we go. Judge threw it out said if I had been paying on time to an agreed upon amount and giving increases state was not even going to get involved. The first couble years were bitter but ten years later we're more civil. Best part is neither one of us ever paid an attorney.

My buddy is in a different deal and he is getting scewed. he'd been paying support for ten years. His x got mad and told him the boy wasn't even his. He went, got paternity test and it wasn't his. She has her own business and making 6 figures. She had any visitation stopped. Went after the real father for child support and ten yrs. back support. My buddy does not get reimbursed for the ten yrs. he paid but the real father has to pay 10 yrs. back. Something needs to be changed there in my opinion.
I believe people should pay support, I also believe it should be fair. Everyone has thier idea of what is fair the support is for the support of the child not the x spouse.
My $.02
GRIZ

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Having recently been through the divorce process I felt compelled to pitch in on this one. I was married for 23 years, my ex-wife suffered from mental illness and MS. She in the last 10 years became verbally abusive to my son, my daughter and myself. She physically attacked me and then my son. I found about a gallon of pills or prescriptions hidden throughout the house that she refused to take. Finally I had to call the cops on her. I have custody of the kids, I pay her and I am glad I am doing so. Why? Because I have a responsiblity to those two kids. They need love and a home more then the money I give her each month. I don't have much but what I have I am thankful for. We can only try to do the best for ourselves and the kids. I have seen my son grow into a fine young man that I am beginning to think of more as a friend than a kid. The abuse left deep scars on the daughter but just I hope my love and persistence pays off.

I keep one thought going that helps me, aside from fishing, I was in love when I married and I was in love when I got divorced.

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Here's a question for you all, but first a little background. I pay child support to a woman that I wasn't married to (stuff happens when you party naked), and she started the whole process of payment by going through the state so I don't get a tax credit. Now here's the question, has anybody figured out how to get the credit, as least every other year? This is something that I believe needs to be changed.

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Here is some information for non-custodial parents that may offer a bit of hope in the effort to achieve equitable awards in the matters of custody and support.

There was mention earlier in this post regarding a bill in front of the legislature currently. Actually there are a number of bills which have a direct bearing on these issues. The one that was mentioned was HF778/SF758. This bill was authored by Rep. Steve Smith and Sen. Tom Neuville, and will in fact raise the amount that you will pay as a non-custodial parent. If you are a non-custodial parent it is in your best interest to see this bill die. It appears that it is headed in this direction at this time.

Another bill in front of the legislature currently is HF664/SF600 . This is a cost shares bill and will more accurately reflect the costs of raising a child rather than an arbitrary percentage of income. This bill also exempts a portion of income in order to allow the non-custodial parent to support themselves.

There is also a bill that deals with presumptive joint custody. This bill would change the law to assume that both parents would have equal rights to joint custody. If this passes it will make for some great changes to the current system.

There is an organization called r-kids that is working very hard for the rights of non-custodial parents, and to try and change some of the unconstitutional, and discriminatory laws that affect support and custody.

They are currently in the process of starting a constitutional challenge to current support guidelines, as well as starting a class action lawsuit against the state on behalf of non-custodial parents in order to get the current laws changed. I am not going to post a link, but the name of this non-profit organization is r-kids.
They believe that children need and deserve the emotional, physical, and financial support of both parents.

If you have been treated unfairly by the family courts system it would be in your best interests to support this organization or another like it and make some noise with your legislators. r-kids is working hard to, and is on the verge of making some real and positive changes to support and custody guidelines here in MN. and in other states. grin.gif

[This message has been edited by kwkfsh (edited 03-30-2004).]

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I've been reading this thread with interest.

I got divorced in 1986 when the courts didn't want the Father to have custody. At the time of the divorce, I had to "explain" to my soon to be ex-wife, that if she didn't voluntarily relinquish custody she would have the fight of her life on her hands. You see, the reason I got divorced was she was running around behind my back partying and carrying on with a boyfriend. I "explained" to her that I would be bringing up all of her not too popular behavior in front of the courts. I also explained that I had way more resources to fight with than she did, she signed the papers right away. Here's the funny part, when she got on the witness stand in front of the judge, he asked her, "do you understand what you are doing giving up custody"?, he asked that 3 times and made here answer each time, after the 3rd time the judge hit the gavel and said case dissolution allowed.
She ended up paying me from Nov. 1, 1986- May 31, 2003. Life was kinda busy having kids ages 1.5 and 2.5 being a single parent, but I wouldn't have changed a bit. Had they grown up with her they probably would have turned out to be trouble, as it is they are great kids. My son is a Jr. at Winona State U. and my daughter is in Cosmetology school, no thanks to their mother!!!!

So all you single Dad's and Mom's that had a bad ex and are raising your kids on your own, hang in there, when your kids get older, they knew exactly who it was that took care of them. For all of you single parents that got screwed by the courts, I'm really sorry, your kids would probably have been better off with you.

Sorry, this has brought up alot of old feelings and it is getting kinda long, I'll quit!!!

Ole

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