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Coldfeet

Cidiots

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Coldfeet

We fine folks up north occasionally come into contact with what we like to call “Cidiots”. Much like the people who live in the cities refer to us as “Hicks” or “Rednecks”. I would like to share a funny story about some Cidiots that I met about 2 years ago, but first I need to clarify some things.

First of all, I would like to point out that I am not a “Hick”, but rather a thoroughbred American Redneck. Hicks and Rednecks are different. You can tell them not only by their appearance, but by their behavior as well. For instance, a Hick only owns one gun. He may own two, a shotgun and a rifle, but that is a rare case. The one gun that a Hick owns us usually a 30-30 lever action which he uses to hunt deer. He also happens to hunt deer at 3:00 in the morning from the back of his pickup using a 1,000,000 candle power spotlight. You will also notice that Hicks have a small wardrobe, they have a t-shirt for warm days, a sweat shirt for cool days, and about 3 pairs of pants for different occasions, and they comb their hair about once a week but you wouldn’t know anyways since they are always wearing a cap with the logo from the local bar on it.

Rednecks on the other hand, are a much more refined animal. A Redneck has no fewer than 5 guns and as many as 20. Any more than 20 then they are no longer considered a Redneck, but rather “Crazy”. A Redneck has a gun for every type of occasion such as trap shooting, grouse hunting, duck hunting, deer hunting, bear hunting, varmint hunting, target practice, etc, etc, etc. We also have a much larger selection of clothing to wear, although most of it looks the same. A pair of jeans for each day of the week, all blue, and about 50 different flannel shirts, but at least we have a clean pair of clothes on each day. Rednecks are also very sportsmanlike when it comes to hunting. We pride ourselves on making the kill on the first shot and we think we are even better than an Indian scout at tracking game. Every Redneck also has a story about the time their gun jammed and they had to tackle a buck by jumping on it from their stand and wrestling with it until they could get their knife out and cut its throat. Which of course could not be true since all Rednecks take such good care of their firearms that there is no way that the gun could have jammed. Did I mention that we are notorious liars, especially when it comes to fishing?

A Cidiot, pronounced “si-dee-ut”, does not necessarily apply to anyone that comes up to hunt or fish from a major city, but like hicks and rednecks, only applies to a certain category of people that come to hunt and fish from the cities. A Cidiot is defined as someone who was born in the city, grew up in the city, never lived even remotely close to anything that you would consider a “rural” area, watches too many hunting and fishing shows on TV, has a midlife crisis and decides that he too will become a master of the woods. Cidiots are easy to spot when they are in rural areas. They are always wearing their hunting gear, which happens to be brand spanking new without so much as a coffee stain on it. They have every stupid hunting gadget imaginable such as a GPS or “fake” rattling antlers (Rednecks know their way around the woods because we live there and therefore have no need for GPS, although we do occasionally use them to mark “hot” fishing spots, and we would never use “fake” antlers, if a redneck needs rattling antlers, he shoots them). Cidiots also only own one gun, which they just bought a week before the hunting season. There are rare occasions where Cidiots own as many as 10 guns, but half of them are handguns which they bought for “self defense” and can’t be used for hunting anyways so they don’t count. Some have a little Redneck gene in them from their great great granddaddy and they just have an urge to own lots of guns, to which I say “more power to you”. The one gun that Cidiots usually own is a very high powered rifle such as a .338 with about a $500 scope on it that weighs about 20 lbs. Although it is impressive, it is not very practical.

Now for my story, which is short but funny. About 2 or 3 years ago after the second day of rifle season, I stopped into the local gas station to pick up a pop and chips after a long day of hunting. In the store I see 5 people who are obviously Cidiots. They meet all of the criteria that I defined above. One of them has a suit that is so new it still has the tag hanging off of it! Anyway, these five guys are in there and there faces are gleaming. They have to be the happiest bunch of guys I’ve ever seen, so I ask them, “Any luck?”. You could just tell that they couldn’t wait to relate their story and I was told all about how they had shot the biggest doe they had ever seen on opening morning (the day before). “That thing has to weigh at least 250 pounds!” one of them told me. I, of course, became curious. I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of does in my lifetime and I’ve never seen one that big. “It’s in the back of the truck around the corner of the gas station” he then adds. “That’s pretty cool.” I said and I paid for my stuff and went out the door. I had to check this out, so I walked around the corner of the gas station and I see a green truck with four legs shooting straight into the air from the bed of the pickup. Upon closer inspection, I found that it was indeed a very large doe, although I wondered if the unseasonably warm weather coupled with the fact that it wasn’t field dressed had anything to do with why it was so big. The day before had reached temperatures near 70 degrees if I recall correctly. I got into my car and drove home laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. That doe was so bloated it was about to explode! I can just see the look on the poor guy’s face who was asked to butcher that thing.

I don’t mean to offend anyone by this post. Cidiots are very friendly people and they provide a good boost to the local economies in the rural parts of the state, and a few laughs to boot. I would also like to add that not everyone that comes from the city is a Cidiot. There are indeed many Rednecks that live in the city, heck, there might even be some Hicks too!

If anyone else has a funny "Redneck" or "Cidiot" story, please share it.

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I have closed this thread and deleted all responses.

I see this as a harmless attempt at humor and no one should take offence to this...it's all in fun anyway grin.gif

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  • Your Responses - Share & Have Fun :)

    • Barbelboy
      Gimruis, i'm on your team. My last boated musky was 2005. One would believe it not possible. Now, to double down on Ace's statement, I don't target them frequently, and to be honest I really never was all that particular to fishing for them. But part of it is just bad luck. I probably averaged 8-10 1/2 days musky fishing every summer on lake vermilion for 20 years and I've netted 6-7 for boat mates and lost 4. But while my folk had a place on lake vermilion for 20 years. My blasted twin brother would try out a new buck tail off the dock and catch a 47" fish.  It's kind of a running joke in my family now about how I can't catch one. You'd think i'd eventually put the pieces together and get one in the boat!
    • gimruis
      I stopped keeping track at over 300 hours specifically targeting them.  I'm sure the number was probably closer to double that.  Its a true story.
    • Hoey
      Steve - Nice report.  I will be fishing this weekend with high school classmates, our annual trip, then staying around all week toward Labor Day and heading home on Sunday to avoid the heaviest traffic.  I will be bringing my tree equipment and spending a day helping a local retiree with some trimming.  
    • meisterluv
      Hi guys,   I'm driving up to fish the Alexandria area and would like pointers on which lakes would be best for quality fish.  I've read about darling and carlos but feel those might be to heavy pressured and possible to big of a lake for me.  Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
    • DRAGFOOT
      Summer slipping away means Fall fishing though!
    • BobT
      Did you find most of those in the afternoon? We didn't do so well. Tried for eyes on various midlake humps for about an hour and then changed tactics to panfish for about 45 minutes before we had to leave. Found one decent size northern pike but that was it for us.    Enjoyed having the opportunity to meet you, Borch. Too bad we weren't able to spend more time. Maybe next time.🙂
    • Chill62
      The tournament the girlfriend has been fishing ended Saturday night so we were able to take off early Friday and make it out for an evening bite and again Saturday morning.
      Friday night fishing was good but a lot of 6-7" gills but we did land a few 9.75" and 9.5" gills.  Really tough bite had to cover LOTS of water to find them.   Saturday morning the crappies moved in and were really aggressive but they were 6-8" with only a handful over 10". We landed a few more 9.5" but we had to cover miles of shoreline jigging trying to find them.  Boats next to us weren't even catching a blue gill it was a tough bite.  Very negative bite.   We left the water Saturday and was instantly approached by the game warden.  I was working on my trailer prior to loading the boat and he was asking the typical questions about fishing because he's seen my trailer very often at the access.  He was pleasantly surprised that we didn't keep a fish.  He said everyone has been keeping limit after limit and he's seeing the size drop from almost 9" average down to a group that morning had kept 7" for 4 limits.  Told him we kept 8 fish last Saturday for some meals and that was it in the 3 weeks we've been fishing up there, needless to say I think he was shocked and proud that people weren't just taking limit after limit home.   Tournament ended Saturday night at midnight for the girlfriend.  The app keeps track of everyone's best 10 fish and her length at the end of the tournament was 95.5" which puts her in first place. Second place is at 91.5" and third place 91.25" so unless something major happens and they don't like our pictures she should have the win!  It was interesting in the beginning to be excited for 8" gills then after we got 10 of them they jumped to 8.5" then to 9.0" then 9.25" then pushing for 9.5".  Was a lot of fun.  I believe she has 2-9.25" and 4-9.5" with remaining being 9.75".  The final 10 fish were all caught in Becker County on one lake and were let go to swim again.  I stress a lot catch and release and keeping only what you want or NEED for a meal but during this tournament we caught the same fish 4 times.  He is blind in his right eye, big beautiful blue gill and I caught him week ago Saturday and again Sunday and the girlfriend repeated me on Saturday and Sunday this weekend.  Each time he measure 9.25" so we either caught the same fish 4 times or we caught 4 different gills all the same length in the same area of the lake.   All fish were also caught on Panfish Pirate 5 mm lead jig in Lipstick color with either Push Up or Bubble Gum soft plastic Kraken.  We are waiting for an official announcement from the organizers that these scores are official and I'll report back at that time!
    • ANYFISH2
      Nice work Borch! Or maybe I should say Mrs. Borch?   Looks like I missed out.
    • papadarv
      Keys to make the blade work well. *Sharp! *Cutting edge needs to line up to the Gullet of the opposite blade! *Add a .020 shim 1/8" wide between blade screw and cutting edge. Increases cut angle to same as K-Drill! I'm working on another set welding  1/4" piece of blade to the outside blade edge extending the blade 1/2" past auger flight making it a full 8" hole. Note how the K-drill blade extends 1/2" past the auger flights.  
    • leech~~
      I like your blade work as well. Two summers ago when I sold my hand auger at my garage I think I throw out about 4 sets of those old blades as well!  😣