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minniwinni91

Deer Hunting Jokes

10 posts in this topic

I know I know we do this every year but I figured since most guys have got a chance to hang around at deer camp and tell jokes. I thought it would be nice if everyone could share their favorites. You Know the rules Keep'em clean but also funny.

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Ole and Sven were out hunting and Ole shoots a really nice deer. Sven comes over and helps him gut it and they begin the long drag back to the truck. They were realy getting a work out when another hunter stopps by and admires the deer Ole shot. He said, "Say Ole that is a really nice buck you shot. It might be easier however if you each took an antler and a front leg rather then trying to drag it by the 2 back legs. If you go with the grain of the fur it will drag easier." Ole and Sven thanked the hunter and began dragging the deer off each holding a front leg and an antler. Ole turned to Sven and said, "He sure vas right, dis here deer is draggin much beter ven ve pull it by da front legs an da antlers. Sven nodded in agreement and added, "Sure dos Ole, but ve are gettin furder and furder from da truck." grin.gif

Tunrevir~

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Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No idea'r (no eye deer, get it?)!

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A: Still no idea'r!

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This is t-shirt that I wear when I start to get the fever for deer hunting. Cant think of to many clean jokes at this present time 100_1395.jpg

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What do you get when you cross a pickle and a deer, whoops never mind not clean enough

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Sven and Ole and the boys stayed up a little to late the night before deer season. Although Sven felt good in the morning Ole was fighting a touch of the flu.

After an hour on stand, Ole had to go find a log to lean against. In the process of doing his duty, he apparently got woosy and passed out.

About noon Sven and the boys were dragging Sven's nice buck past Ole's stand back to camp.

Lo and behold they discovered Ole in this compromising position. Not one to let a good oportunity to pull a prank on his good buddy Ole slip by, Sven gutted his buck and slid the goodies under Ole thinking that would give him a good scare and teach him a lesson.

An hour after dark Sven and the boys were getting pretty worried on Ole's whereabouts and were preparing to go find him.

Just then the now white-as-a-ghost Ole swings open the cabin door. The boys, holding back their snickering, ask Ole why he is so late.

Ole says, "I guess last night I was a little hard on myself and when I sat down this morning to do my business, I got dizzy and passed out. Well you wouldn't believe it, but when I came to this afternoon, I looked down and I had dropped all my guts out! BUT thanks to the good lord and a big stick I got them all back in..."

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Ok here it goes ..

Sven and Ole take this bear to get registired and the DNR officer says to Sven .Gosh, I know your a good shot you shoot every thing right between the eyes, your deer,antelope,rabbits... all between the eyes Sven says yea you got to be a good shot to do that . DNR says then can you explain the holes thru the bears paws and hole between the eyes . and before Sven says anything Ole jumps up and says Thats easy when I shine the light on him he covered his eyes with his paws..

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Two rednecks named Bubba and Larry and a city boy named Henry went hunting. It was Henry's first time hunting but Bubba and Larry grew up hunting. They went to the clubhouse with the manager of the club. The manager said, "Tomorrow morning, you can leave whenever you want, but you must be back by 7:00PM tomorrow." The three hunters confirmed. Bubba asked, "What are some of the methods around here?" The manager replied, "Well, since the rut is pretty much over, my suggestion would be, find and follow the tracks and once you see one, take 'em down. If you kill one, just drag it back to the club." Once again they confirmed.

The next morning, Bubba and Larry got up at 4:00AM with no problem. Larry tried to wake Henry up but he had some trouble getting up. Finally they were all awake and ready to go hunting. They picked up their rifles and headed out. Later in the day, the manager heard 2 gunshots.

As 7:00PM started to roll around, Bubba and Larry got back, dragging their bucks. The manager saw them dragging their deer across the field. As they got closer, the manager said, "Well, how did you manage to get those? They both replied, "I just followed his tracks and there he was." Going on 7:30PM, Henry was not yet back. So, they got their flashlights and search for him. They finally found him.

He was bruised, bloody and had scars all over him. They asked, "What happened?" He yelled, "Well, I followed the tracks and the stupid train hit me!"

Q:What kind of teeth do male deer have?

A:Buck teeth.

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Ole and Sven are out hunting all day with no success. As the sun starts to set, they start walking out of the woods and realize they are lost. "I've heard if ya shoot tree times in a row, real fast, dat means yer callin' fer help," says Ole. "Okie dokie," replies Sven and shoots in the air three times. They sit and wait, but no one shows. "Try 'er again," says Ole. "Alrighty, then," says Sven and shoots three more times. Again nobody shows. "Holy cow," says Ole "I'm gettin' kinda scared. Ve better shoot again before it gets too dark." Sven nodded his head and said, "Ok, but dis will have to be da last time. After dis here round, I'll be outta arrows!"

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Q:Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts.

A:Beer nuts are $1.49, deer nuts are under a buck. grin.gifshocked.gif

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  • Posts

    • ZachD
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    • MattL
      How is she on the sit command?  That is the basis of everything.  She needs to learn to sit still and wait until the next command.  I don't even teach my dogs "stay" because it isn't necessary if they are solid on "sit".  Every dog has the ability to be steady, it is up to you to teach them.  A lab that isn't steady in the boat is not only annoying, it is potentially dangerous with loaded guns and the potential to capsize a boat in open water.  If she knows sit but just needs some reinforcement, it may just take a couple trips where you don't even bring the gun along and let others shoot while you handle the dog.  If she's real bad, I would recommend going back to the basics. It will be tougher with an older dog versus a puppy but is definitely worth it. Check out the retriever training DVDS by Bill Hillman. They are spendy but definitely worth it.
    • easyrider25
      Looking for advice on keeping the dog focused and quiet in the duck boat.  Was out today and we shot enough ducks to keep her busy, however my dog is such a hyper hypo that it's a  little annoying.  Either whining or jumping back and forth from the front and back of the boat.  Do I just need to establish the expectation and keep on her till she finally gets it or is this how some dogs are in the boat? This is her 4th year duck hunting and she has continued to improve each season.  Overall I am happy with her work, especially with the limited amount of hunting I do.  We were out today for 3 hours, shot 8 birds and she did great on the retrieving end and is pretty much focused on the skies, but if something is not constantly dropping from them I feel like I have a screaming baby on my hands.  It's not really that bad, just very annoying.   I would just like her to sit in her spot, stare at the skies and wait for my command.  Is this to much to ask?
    • MattL
      She's up to 38 pounds at a few days short of 5 months and does not stop going 100 mph. She got exposed to a lot of feathers this weekend at duck camp. She retrieved dead ducks and geese in the yard after our hunts. The goose was a bit big so I chopped a wing off and worked with that after she picked it up and barely made it back a short distance to me. 
    • delcecchi
      Maybe that is how they can stay in business