Is it possible to balance fishing and family?

[MattsGal]

Hi Guys and Gals..Okay, so I'm with a wonderful man who loves to fish and who spends literally everyday fishing...Is there a way to balance fishing, a relationship, and family? Do any of you have any advice? Are any of you in the same boat?

[rockhardinmn]

Dont you like to fish also? Realy thou maybe u should talk to my wife cause i am not much different.I know i wish my wife would come along alot more ( which she rarely does).

[MattsGal]

Thanks for replying! Yes, I've found that I love to fish! I go out every once in a while with Matt. The thing is, he does many tournaments...especially in the summer. We don't have kids and aren't even married yet, but I want to know how to make it work for him to be able to live his passion and at the same time be able to spend needed time with me (and any potential children along the way ). I guess I'm just looking for any advice and to see if anyone else has had to compromise with this issue.

I bet your wife would go with you if you asked her and I'd bet she'd have a great time...just you two.

Thanks again for your reply!

[rockhardinmn]

I am not into the tournys really so i cannt have any ideas about that. As for the kids,, i learned kinda the hard way with my oldest. I think i kinda turned her off to fishing.so with the younger 2 i let them ask me now days. There are moments that i have had with all 3 of my kids that are great stories and will never forget. the same can be said while out with the wife. My wife has learned over 24 years my fishing habits.Sone has caused quite a arguements.I lose all track of time while fishing. It is very common that i am at least 2 hours late from a trip.

We all have our faults. I think that the real question is " Do All of the Good Points Out Weigh The Negative Ones ? "to me there is 3 things that are most important.they are honesty,openness,and sharing. without them you dont have much of a relationship to start with.

Ps.. I do ask the wife to go quite often.

[This message has been edited by rockhardinmn (edited 04-20-2004).]

[jparrucci]

On a side note, I tried talking my fiance into a honeymoon in Canada. Lake Wollaston...some big pike would be fun. You all can guess what her answer to that was.

[BDR]

My wife and I (and 4 kids) compromise on things every day. I fish as much as most of my friends, but yes there is a trade off. My wife does not enjoy fishing at all, she grew up in NYC. So she has her things she does herself. I take the kids fishing a fair amount but alot of the time it is my escape for a couple hours. We try to trade weekends to spend the time as we wish and both of us try to include time together in our weekends.
With 4 kids that takes up a huge amount of time. It is hard est to balance the time up for just them individually. We try to do our best but one always seems to be feeling left out. It's not easy!
For us it seems to work best to keep a calander going just for who has what planned. that seems to make it easier for me to tell myself if I am taking too much time for myself or the other way around.
Also if a problem is happening we try to discuss it and work it out. Time together, time with the kids, and time to ourselves. All are important. And we both have sacrifice many times to keep everyone happy.

I wish it always worked as easy as I think I try to make it sound. It is not easy. But it has worked for 11 years now.

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I'd rather be skunked than follow the crowd!

Brian Rogers

[MattsGal]

That's funny. As women, it's not that we don't like fishing (most of us do enjoy it), we just don't want it to be all you do and think about...we'd like to know that you can enjoy our time too

Matt loses track of time also when it comes to fishing. I don't mind that he goes (everyday ), but maybe make a date to be off the lake at a certain time so that we can have us/family time once in a while. Like an actual date...not just "when it starts to get dark." Do you think that's too much to ask? Maybe it is...

I wish we could find a way for both parties to be happy....other than taking me along everytime And when the day comes when we have a family...can we compromise a deal so that we have equal family/fishing time? Any suggestions or other advice??

[MattsGal]

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

I knew getting into the relationship that he was crazy for fishing...that's something that attracted me to him in the first place.

It won't always be easy like you said Brian...it's all about supporting each other.

Those were some great ideas though...thank you...any more?

[Maximum12]

I'll second most of what BDR said - honesty & a clear calendar of events. And it only seems easy because it really is that simple. My wife & I haven't had a conflict over fishing (yet! I've only known her 10 years!). If we need something, or object to something, one of us brings it up & we discuss.

I also tell my wife that of all the addictions I could have - crack, other women, boozing - fishing doesn't really seem so bad!

[docwalleye88]

I love fishing with a passion! That said the bottom line is family. I have two young boys who I am slowly grooming to love fishing as well. Which means short, successful trips. My wife enjoys fishing also and we do fish together as a family as much as possible. But there are times that it would create a conflict to go. At those times you need to realize that the family has to come first. There will always be time to fish but you only have your kids for a precious few years. They may love to fish too but there is baseball games, school activities and stuff you would never have imagined that is important to them or your spouse. Small sacrifices in water time now will pay dividends in life later.

Just remember G/F/F
God/Family/Fishing

[basmastermatt]

Hey guys I appreciate all the response. My girlfriend put this post up b/c she is very concerned. I appreciate all the good ideas on how to make it work. She will tell you as much as I fish I try and understand her side. Aside from running a guide service in the winter and summer I fish non stop, I also leave town for weeks on end for large bass tourney's. I have fished the MNPABT for three years, I also fished the Gander Mountain circuit. I once left town for five weeks for the M1 tournament held in Mobile, AL. It was the Milllion dollar ranger boats owner tournament that I quilifed for. It is hard to balance family and fishing. What i get from most of you guys is that the love for your family can not be sacrificed. I have and will compromise and she knows that. I already have put fishing aside for her. I know thats not enough but a start. I thank you all again b/c this is a constant issue with use.

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Fish On!

[Havin' Fun]

Funny, the exact same conversation goes on in our house. I love to fish.....I come off the lake and say "when it gets dark" SAY, are you sure your not my fiance'??? Seriously, its difficult. I guess I've given in a ton. I fish much less than I use to, but that too is difficult when your boat is 30 miles away!!

I know it helps out a ton if I set aside a day to do what she wants to do...a date. Than taking off for a day or a few nights here and there isn't too bad. Weekends are very similar. Remembering family comes first is a very important thing...I do. We all do.... just sometimes forget to show it!

[Tonka Boy]

Buy your own boat. Show him up! I bet he'll want to fish with you every time.

Seriously though, fishing is an addiction. It can't be helped, nor stopped. You both need to be understanding of one another and comprimise. Heck, my wife hates fishing and thinks I'm nuts (same profile as you're Matt-probably worse). But she still lets me go because I'm always there for her when needed. It's a 2 way street.

OK, now all the guys are going to kill me...I better get some fishing in beforehand!

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Tonka Boy

[Mr Special]

MattsGal,

I'm not sure if there is a balance, but will tell you when I figure it out for myself. I thinks fishing is what ruined my 1st true relationship.

TonkaBoy,
I heard a congrats is in order for you bud. Hey did you want to get out this friday?

Good fishing

[MattsGal]

With all the great advice I've gotten...I know it will work out fine. It may not always be easy especially when he's on the road for long periods of time, but knowing he's doing something he absolutely loves gives me a sense of pride also...it's not often that people love their jobs.

I love him dearly and I think in the end it's all about compromise like you've all stated. There needs to be a balance. We both need to give and take a little for the relationship and if a problem does arise...we need to talk about it and work through it. I like that- G/F/F! Thank you!

You know what would really be fun and helpful if some of you guys would either ask your wives/fiances/gfs what they think or ask them to post something. I bet they too would have some great advice!

Just want to add-By what you are all saying, your ladies in your lives are all very lucky to have you guys! You all sound like such wonderful and considerate men! Thank you for thinking of us!

Again, thank you so much for replying! I appreciate it so much and am feeling stronger about the situation. Thank you!

MattsGal <>><<

[Dobber]

Amen, docwalleye88. You said it about as good as it can be said.

[basmastermatt]

Hey MattsGal> It sounds like your the greatest girlfriend.....understanding....you must have a great guy...you work very hard at your relationship and it shows........
matt

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Fish On!

[MattsGal]

Did anyone talk to their Wives/Fiances/Gfs yet about any advice they have? Your advice and thoughts are all appreciated, but I think it would be fun to hear from them too.

There's your assignment guys

Again, thanks for all the great words and advice! You guys are the best! (you too basmastermatt )

<MattsGal><<

p.s. I think a forum for "Woman Who Love Fisherman" would be a great idea...don't you think?

[BDR]

Matsgal-that would be interesting. I bet my wifes version wouldn't sound quite like I see it.

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I'd rather be skunked than follow the crowd!

Brian Rogers

[Hawg Wobbler]

As a life-long angler who has been married nearly four years with a baby daughter, I have a few thoughts on the subject.

My wife started fishing after she met me and genuinely enjoys it. Although we haven't quite reached the point where she'd grab the rod and go fishing without me... we do go on an annual fishing trip together.

The give-and-take in fishing versus doing other things with your spouse gets harder, I've learned, when taking care of children enters the mix. Spending time away from your spouse to fish (or even getting back two hours late) is one thing, but it's quite another when it means that your spouse has to spend that time taking care of a baby (especially when you're late getting home).

While fishing had never before caused any real arguments, it definitely has caused some since the baby was born. I definitely wasn't quite prepared for that new dynamic, and it took me a while to adjust my M.O.

Now, coordinating our schedules ahead of time is the only way I can fish and feel good about it.

[MattsGal]

I think that would be so interesting to hear from the women in your lives...if you find the chance, ask them and report back to me asap.

Hawg Wobbler-I know what you mean, I'm already finding it hard to have Matt gone so much...I can't imagine how it will be when we have children. But you guys who have written back are right...just need to schedule the time in and mark things on the calender...and make sure you stick by the schedule (and not show up late). That way both parties will be happy. Thanks for your thoughts!

Any other sugs?

<MattsGal><<

[jt24]

Well my wife is gone for a girls weekend and its not fishing either, but i will tell her to reply her side when she gets back. I have really learned to adjust if thats what you can it, to planning out when i can get away to fish. My wife likes to fish but not near as much as i do but we also have 3 kids. I have learn that theres is alot of give and take. If we go to the lake for a weekend or a full week i try and limit myself to fishing when it works for my wife. Well i atleast try to! Usually early mornings and evenings. She will still tell ya that my time away is usually a weekend and hers more like a night out with the girls. But she can also tell ya that i never say she cant go out or be gone when she wants to. Its just something ya learn after a few aurguements. LOL I am sure my wife will have her own side on this one. Just hope she goes easy on me!

[moby1]

HMMMM If you like to fish, he is the luckiest guy around. My wife does not and will not fish. I would do about anything to get her to enjoy the outdoors and fishing. We balance it out by me fishing early mornings on the weekends while she sleeps or on the weeknights that she enjoys her hobby (belly dance class). Next month is our 7th anniversary. We have no kids yet. IT works out ok. I have been fishing more in the last 2 years than ever but dont have a hectic tourny schedule. She does get miffed if I dont return close to the time I told her before leaving. Guess thats why I carry the cel. She has me trained pretty well :+))
Good Luck.

[MattsGal]

Thanks for the response Moby!

I've always liked to fish, but when I was younger it was more because it gave me a chance to spend time with my father. I never baited my own hook and I would never take the fish off, ever! But since Matt has brought me out (and actually asked me to come)...more and more I am starting to be my own fisherwoman. It just took me a little while to warm up to the slimey things. Now I take the fish off myself.

The point I'm getting at is...have you brought your wife out much to fish (and even asked her to)? Maybe it will just take her awhile to warm up to it. Maybe I'm wrong.

All in all I think it's great that you two have your seperate hobbies and if you can find a way for her to like fishing too, then you two have an advantage over a lot of people. Even if she never does warm up to it, maybe ask her to go out on the boat with you. I sometimes tan or read a book while Matt fishes. It's about spending quality time together. Do you watch her belly dance?

I bet if you asked her to go and she thought it was very important to you that she goes, she would say yes. Try it

<MattsGal><<
p.s. I have always wanted to try belly dancing!! Where does she go?

[Fisher Dave]

Let Matt fish all he wants to ... Your relationship is exactly the same as mine/my fiance. We have been together more than 6 years and I fished every day for a long time.. She often joined me and enjoyed it.. when she didnt want to go .. there were no strings attatched, except to bring home a meal(she loves fish).

In time, a child came involved and the fishing time is greatly affected.. now our kid is 3 and is joining us in more outdoor activities all the time.

In the end, everyone stayed happy, and life balanced out very well... I think the results would have been worse if I couldnt spend my time in the outdoors.

A choice between fishing rods vs a healthy relationship requiring very little fishing time is a risky *coin to flip*.

There are much worse habits than fishing.

[Mr. Pike1]

I used to think so but it appears to be more and more challenging. If it does not improve I will will a nice boat for sale at the end of the season !!!!

[MattsGal]

Did anyone get the chance to ask their wives/Fiances/Girlfriends what they thought?

<MattsGal><<

[moby1]

In response to your earlier response- Part of the reason she wont go is probably due to her first and only time out in Florida a couple years back. 14 foot waves and seeing 13 other people getting sick didnt help. That and the fact that my boat is only 12'. She loves waterskiing and boating in my parents boat. She takes belly dance lessons at a belly dance school in uptown. I believe it is called the Cassandra School of Dance. Check it out or email [email protected] if you want more info and I will get you in touch with my wife. She would be more than happy to give any help or info. Matt wouldnt mind his wife belly dancing around the house I am sure. Its a long drive from Maple Grove but I think there are only two schools in the area. Yes, sometimes I watch and will go to the performances. She practices around an hour a night.

[MattsGal]

Hey Moby~

I wrote your gal an email...did she get it?

<MattsGal><<

[ChuckN]

Mattsgal,
I understand your concerns, as my wife and I have had the same life experiences. We dated for four years before we got married and 3 of the 4 years we lived far apart. Trying to balance hunting and fishing seasons and trips with buddies was tough. There were times we didn't see each other for over a month because of schedules. Weekends automatically seemed devoted to seeing one another.

Then we got married and have been for almost 4 years, and never been apart. In a few weeks my wife is starting PA school (I noticed you're a nurse) in the cities and she will be away from home for about 2 years. I get sole custody of our 3 children (I mean dogs!) and all other responsibilities. I fish tournaments over weekends (not as many as I like anymore) and with her busy year-round school schedule...it will be rough. Weekends might be tough for her to get away and I really hate the Twin Cities. That's where sacrificing will take place.

To deal with the lonely days/nights from one another try to meet new people/ friends, projects around the house, pick up more work, anything to keep you busy. At least that's what I do. For me it will be easy because I can go fishing a lot more whenever I want, but alone. That's not always the best without my ship mate because she also enjoys fishing.

It is likely we will plan out our weekends and hope everything works for the best. That's about all we can do for the time being.

Hang in there!!